Gerhard Schroeder, September 17, 2005:
"Those who wanted change in the office of chancellor have failed grandly. ... Over the next four years there will be a stable government under my leadership."
(To the left, Chancellor-elect Angela Merkel. To the right, former Chancellor Gerhard Schroeder)
In your face, dude. Angie it’s gonna be for us, Viktoria it's gonna be for you. Ladies and gentlemen, this is the end of the Schroeder Era. The fella who made a career out of USA bashing has left the Reichstag Building. In his place comes a lady who just might make transatlantic relations look more like the ole Ronnie/Maggie thing than the Jerry Springer show. It now appears that MFBB was not completely on dope, at least not all of the time, when he time and again claimed there was a rightwing shift in Eurawp.
B.) FREE PIGLET? WUSSIES.
Hey c’mon! Two weeks now since Piglet had to go, and the whole West is still sleepin? Free Piglet, my *ss. Thought you americanos were so gung ho in defending the poor wretched oppressed of this earth??? My 4 year old is constantly asking me "Daddy, when will those good soldiers you always talk about bring Piglet back????" They have other piglets to wash first honey, they have other piglets to wash first, I says then for lack of something better.
(a sad looking Piglet after the ban)
C.) HEY, AREN'T YOU EXAGGERATING A LITTLE????
Smurfette is left for dead. Baby Smurf is left crying and orphaned as the Smurf's village is carpet bombed by warplanes a horrific scene and imagery not normally associated with the lovable blue-skinned cartoon characters. These are the scenes being shown as part of a new UNICEF ad-campaign on Belgian television.
"It's working. We are getting a lot of reactions and people are logging on to our Web site," UNICEF Belgium spokesman Philippe Henon said Tuesday. The Belgian office of the U.N. children's fund said it has decided to use the creations of late Belgian artist Peyo to shock a complacent public into backing its fund-raising efforts for ex-child soldiers in Africa. The 20-second video commercial clip now being shown on Belgian TV aims to show that war can happen in the most innocent of places, Henon said.
You don’t bullshit me americanos. That UNICEF Belgium dude is only being vague out of PC towards Uncle Sam, or possibly he's one of those guys who can't find their own *ss with both hands and a flashlight. The Burundese Air Force, give me a break! BUT YOU DON'T FOOL ME FOLKS. I know you been pissed off the past years with Belgium, with us suing Daddy Bush and Powell, providing passports for Massoud’s killers, holding the Praline Summit, being a pain in the WOT's ass and all that. No matter what MFBB sez or does, a certain feeling of resentment is understandable. I know that. But did you really have to obliterate one of these l’il blue buggers communes? I KNOW IT WAS YOU!!! In Belgium there’s only three parties capable of carnage on such a scale. Can’t be our air force. It’s in Afghanistan bombing, uh, Afghan villages. Can’t be the al-Qaeda boyz next to NATO in Brussels: these blokes can only fly planes which are already airborne. Tell me, WHO uses GBUs and JDAMS and clusterbombs huh??? Puh-leeeeze, give good ole MFBB and cronies just a little more time to set things strait again here, okay? Have some patience yet. Comprendo??? Sheesh.
D.) HAROLD PINTER GETS THE NOBEL PRIZE FOR LITERATURE...
The Nobel Prize for Literature 2005 goes to Mr. Harold Pinter, Britain's most distinguished playwright. In case you don't know Mr. Pinter yet, MFBB provides some representative samples of this illustrious gentleman's prose:
...on US Forces liberating Kuwait in 1991:
We blew the shit right out of them
We blew the shit right back up their own ass
And out their fucking ears.
...on the US, after 9/11:
"The U.S. is now a highly dangerous force, totally out of control".
...on Operation Iraqi Freedom:
"But people don't forget," roared Mr Pinter. "The seven Iraqi children not yet killed by America and Britain jumping up and down in the street shouting, 'Death to the Great Santa', they don't forget. They don't forget the torture and mutilation of the Tooth Fairy. When they wake up one morning and find Frosty the Snowman standing in the front garden, they know it's Dick Cheney, watching them. Things like that don't just happen in Holland Park."
Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer had a very shiny nose," he continued, "and, if you ever saw it, you would even say it glows. You know why that is? Depleted uranium. Oh, yes, don't worry, he can still guide your sleigh tonight. It's not hard to follow a reindeer whose rectum is leaking radioactive blood across the sky, is it?"
...on US Foreign Policy:
"Kiss my arse or I’ll kick your head in."
Well, after Wangari Maathai, who says AIDS was brewed up in western labs, Analfart and Jimmah, Dario Fo and the highly efficient El Baradei getting Nobel prizes one has to admit the choices of the Nobel Committee in handing out the coveted prizes are logical and consistent.
E.) ZAWAHIRI TEAMBUILDING UPDATE...
Anyway, I call the wives on my cell and tell them to cancel the room reservations, and you can just imagine how big that shit went over. "You know the kids were really looking forward to the rides at Assadland," "it’d be nice if you could occassionally be home to read them a bedtime surah," "you know that roof is not going to thatch itself," blah blah fucking blah. Then the wives start in on that suspicious "if we didn’t know better, we’d think you were seeing another harem" crap, like I got enough energy to go fornicating after a week of occupier missile strikes and filling out the Q1 school bomb progress reports.
But hey, Zarkman's a team player. So I'm out on the curb with everybody else late Friday, piling into the courtesy van headed to the Ramadi Inn conference center, and guess what? I have to sit next to that new French intern Ali the entire trip. Holy frickin’ Prophet, what a weasely little brown-noser. "Oh Monsieur Zarqawi, it is the great pleasure to be working for the jihad with you!" while I’m just trying to get some peace and quiet and work on my Times crossword. I swear I’d shitcan that little suckup tomorrow if the martyr recruiting market wasn’t so damn tight. About an hour into the trip we took a few rounds from the Iraqi collaborators, which thankfully shut him up, but then I had to deal with his shitstank the rest of the way.
One of these days that Iowahawk guy is gonna totally crack me up.